Why?

BTW, great post NC!!!:D

Actually, I'm lucky in one way. My boy doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. I'm blessed that he is a "nerd."
Playboy thanks for the nice post. Actually I had a career for the past eleven years. Got a huge house that I am currently selling. I can't get a job in previous line of work. I tried for a year. So instead of laying down and dying I'm educating myself for a new career as an RN. They need RN's bad here. I'll be able to make as much money as before. I won't have to work rotating shifts unless I want to!
Maybe I'll get really lucky and get a big settlement on my lawsuit! Then I won't have to work!

Not to sound critical but I read in one of the posts you said "all he does is play computer games" and that you wanted to "throw the computer out the window". Well, from what I've read this sounds ALOT like me when I was younger. I've been into computers since I was 7yrs old (commodore is the shiznit! :D) and my parents HATED the fact that I was always on the computer. I always got good grades up until about high school. Once I hit high school I was just squeaking by. I wasn't going to drop out of school but I hated it and I wasn't going to do anymore work than I had to. My mom used to always blame it on the fact that I played computer games and such. Then one day she got called down to the school b/c we did some sort of national test in english and math skills. My score turned out to be in the top 3 percentile. That's about the time my folks realized that I could apply myself as long as I was interested. It's also about the time they started buying me computer programming books and such. The hobby they couldn't stand eventually turned into my career. I worked for 4 years as a software architect and did quite well for myself. I'll spare you the details of the fact that I later got bored of office work and am opting to join the military for "something to do" though. I dunno... all I'm saying is that if he doesn't apply himself in school anymore than he has to, maybe it's b/c he's not interested. If he shows interest in computers then maybe you should try to make that interest productive instead of throwing it away. Just my 2cents. Wish ya all the best tho. I know teenage boys can be a pain in the ass. I was a 1st class case.

dcept, I tried that. I thought he might be interested in going to a tech school to write game programs. Heh, anything I suggest he objects to.

seems a bit sarcastic don't ya think t-bar???? Don't really know if you know her or not but chances are she isn't looking for such a brut answer

yeah probably not. I felt free to say what the problem is in 99% of the cases now a days. Maybe it didn't apply to her case, but it sure seems like it does, and I felt free to say so here. If she had posted in the General section I probably would have skipped all the facts and figures and just made a simple suggestion.

I'd suggest posting in a different section if people are getting their feelings hurt, if the truth hurts, or if they can't take what they hear in the FLAME section.

Why do I seem upset by what it appears she is doing? I see way too many kids hurt by moms who put themselves first. I see it every day as a teacher. Guess it's a sore spot for me.

Moms who put themselves first? Dude do you have any idea of the sacrifices this woman has made over the years for her kids? Yes, I know her and her kids personally, so I can speak from a bit of experience here. Let's see, your advice is for her to put her life on hold until she is 50, then go back to school, get an education and when she is in her mid 50's try to start a new career. In the mean time, she can try to get by on menial jobs and perhaps some assistance from the govt. Yeah, that is great advice.

I can tell you at age 45 is very hard to start a new career. I can just imagine going to apply for a job in a new career field in ten years with no experience. Good luck on ever getting an interview, much less a job.

Katz has done many things in her life, but putting her wants above her kids needs are not among them. She has sacrificed a great deal to provide for them and I applaud the sacrifice she is making now, in order to provide a secure environment for them.

BTW, I see way too many kids hurt by incompetent teachers who are there simply to collect a paycheck and who don't give a damn about the kids they are supposed to teach. The young ones lack the experience to know how to do the job and the older ones are so burned out that they no longer care. I have dated several school teachers over the years and I can tell you that it is a problem of epidemic proportions. I would say that 99% of all teachers fall into those categories. Then again, I guess that is a sore spot for me.

Originally posted by T-Bar

yeah probably not. I felt free to say what the problem is in 99% of the cases now a days. Maybe it didn't apply to her case, but it sure seems like it does, and I felt free to say so here. If she had posted in the General section I probably would have skipped all the facts and figures and just made a simple suggestion.

I'd suggest posting in a different section if people are getting their feelings hurt, if the truth hurts, or if they can't take what they hear in the FLAME section.

Why do I seem upset by what it appears she is doing? I see way too many kids hurt by moms who put themselves first. I see it every day as a teacher. Guess it's a sore spot for me.

OOOHHH, I see...so you do know her then...
cause if you didn't then you made one hell of a generalization...my orginal post and point was really a simple one. Not saying she is or isn't "guilty" of your said crime. But what I am saying is she more than likely she came here for positive advice. Her situation is one that many people handle the way you previously described. You (without a doubt) are intitled to say as you please but when people don't want to hear it, your words fall on deaf ears...

get an education and when she is in her mid 50's try to start a new career. In the mean time, she can try to get by on menial jobs and perhaps some assistance from the govt. Yeah, that is great advice.

If that's what it takes to stay home and raise your family then that's what you do. When you sign up to have a family you should do just that. Your first commitment is to your kids. If you want to go out and go back to school or become a big shot a work, then DON'T HAVE KIDS! That's part of the deal. Yes your life goes on hold in a certain sense. It grows in another.

As far as the foolish comment that 99% of teachers are incompetent or burned out... I'm guessing that it was more like 100% in your case. I've taught in 5 different schools. The correct figure would be around 10% which is still to high, but it isn't close to what you stated.

Looks like playboy may have gone to school with you. I never said that I knew this person. I only said that she should put her college dreams on hold a few more years. I said to spend as much time with her family as possible. The facts I gave were only aimed at her if she put herself into that category. They don't apply to women who stay home and actually care for their children. They do apply to those who take off to "better themselves" or what ever reason they give for not being home where their kids need them.

The post was not meant to attack, but I'm sure it could be read that way. She asked for advise. My advice was and is, stay home. From what you say she is an amazing mom & I don't doubt that for a second. The facts were given so she could see the risk she would be putting her kids in if she went off to do other things. She knows her condition now. She would know if it's worth the risk or not. That's it. I didn't say she was an awful person. In fact I was very gentle when it came to talking about her.

"How can you be a single mom and do what our moms used to do? You simply can't do it unless you've got a bunch of alimony and child support coming your way. I'm sure not saying this to be mean. I just think facts should be faced even if it means you can't feel good about yourself going to school right now."

Again I never said she was a bad parent. I simply said she should wait to go back to school or she'd be putting her kids against some pretty high percentages. Seems like a person would want to know that.

I'm sure there were people who got mad when they said not to buy a Pinto because it could explode when hit from the rear. And I'm sure there were people who went, "oh wow that's good to know", even if they really wanted one.

THe FACTS:
Unemployment- 6 months
Welfare -1 year and must enroll in college
After that year is up you are sol and homeless

Life is definitely full of times when you've gotta do what you've gotta do! When that's the case you have no choice but to go at it full steam ahead. Good luck!

oh and for the record, I didn't go to school with katz...

but I do see your point t-bar...doesn't mean anyone has to agree with it but none the less I see your point...

lol all part of being a kid.....he'll grow out of it as most of us did......

"If that's what it takes to stay home and raise your family then that's what you do. When you sign up to have a family you should do just that. Your first commitment is to your kids. If you want to go out and go back to school or become a big shot a work, then DON'T HAVE KIDS! That's part of the deal. Yes your life goes on hold in a certain sense. It grows in another. "

Tbar...Who's paying the bills and putting food on the table while she's home taking care of her kids? playing June Cleaver?

what are the statistics on dead beat dads who don't pay their child support......child support is normally a % of the non custodial parent's imcome....what if that in come is like 30k? how far is she going to get on 11% for one kid on that? Society today has put women in the position that we cannot be June Cleavers...we have to be everything......and Yes There are Dad's out there...who have to be Everything too......it's not easy.....and if she has to go back to school..so she can earn a better living to give her kid a better life.....to give her kid A life....I applaude her...

Nobody wants to have to leave their kids.....in order to work/ go to school....but we all do what we have to do.....some people don't have the luxury of a choice.....Man or Woman we do what we have to.......And I"m, not making this a sexual issue...cause I know Dad's who have to be everything...who work hard, go to school, do it all for their kids...... The government is not going to just pay us to stay home w/ our kids all day....as wonderful as that may sound.....Cost of living where you're from also plays a major part.....

Katz hang in there hon.....and sit your kid dowm and have a long talk w/ him if you can.....could be something else going on you're not aware of or he's got questions he's confused about.....and needs answers.....

So if she has no money coming in, then how does one go to school? Who pays for books, classes, supplies, sitter, food? Who cares for the kids while she's in school? Night school? Then who cares for the kids when she's too tired to do the job properly when she's not in school or studying? There's only so much fuel a person has. Someone somewhere is going to be shorted when you burn the candle on both ends. Facts show it's the kids who get shorted.

If we're talking money then it sounds like a year or two of money going out when it could be coming in taking care of the kids.

You bet there's a problem with dads who run out on their family. If we were to get into all of that we'd be in this section forever, i.e. moms who use the kids as pawns and don't let the fathers see their children, dads who drink and abuse, moms who spend their child support on drugs, the number of kids killed by boyfriends of the mom, grandparents raising the kids, abductions, dads who beat their kids, parents who smoke, married parents who don't care for their children...

I was only addressing one issue. Should I go to school and try to make a better life or should I stay home with my kids and go to school later?

Based on all the evidence out there my opinion was that it would be safer and better if she chose to stay home with her family. I didn't realize until now that the decision had been made long ago and she was just looking for support. My bad.